How many of you have tried FlyLady, The House That Cleans Itself, and other cleaning systems out there to maintain a house and FAILED??? Come on, be honest? I'm shooting up both of my hands, and wiggling them like the kid who really wants the teacher to call on her.
Most of us who stay home do not just stay home. We all have a side business or hobby that brings in a little money. We do this not just because our families could use the money, but also to stay sane. Today's housewife seriously lacks the support structure of other stay-at-home wives that previous generations relied on. Don't take that to mean I think women shouldn't work, pshaw, that's economically irresponsible and wrong. I'm talking about the fact when you're a stay-at-home Mom and it's 10:30 AM and you NEED a grown up to talk to and you have to scroll through your cell phone's CONTACTS to try and call the three women you know who are home and might be able to take a call. I say might because despite what others think, we're busy.
Enter #Mommyguilt.
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| June Cleaver: Putting us all to shame with perfection AND pearls. |
Only, the problem is June Cleaver is a fictional character. They all are. Today's Mom brings in some income or at least worries about household finances and budgets. We think about efficiency, both in spending our valuable time and not wasting money. We buy for our children first, our husband second, and ourselves last. And then we wonder why we always feel so unappreciated. So then we DO start carving out some time for ourselves, start a home based business, take Mommy time away from the kids. But it gets a little out of hand, and the dishes are three days deep (seriously, use a paper plate), and dinner is phoned in. Now we feel guilty that we're squandering this wonderful, amazing opportunity to stay home with our kids that other moms in cubicle land would club us with a stapler to have! Phew. Did I sum it up okay?
#Mommyguilt is real and it happens to me ALL THE TIME. I needed a system of managing my house that took a balanced approach to my role as a mother and my role as a writer working towards a residual income for my family. I have another year before I will re-evaluate if it makes financial sense for me to continue writing fiction, go back to writing non-fiction, or back off on paid writing all together (I doubt the last will happen, but always a possibility as my family does come first).
Rule #1 System to run house must balance both my responsibilities as a Mom (caregiver, chef, private sixth grade tutor, nurse, pre-school teacher, and maid) and a writer, and help me prioritize them appropriately.
But I'm CRE8TIVE, I can't DO the same thing every week, let alone every day!
Yeah, I suck at schedules. I am that person who chronically runs late. Why? Because I satisfy my deep down feelings of "I'm better than this" by waiting until the very last moment to get ready or make dinner so I can feel accomplished about completing whatever it was in such a short time. Only crap happens. I get derailed. I am working on feeling accomplished when I'm ahead of schedule, and so far, we're making progress.
Here's where I can't compromise. I can't clean the damn toilet on Tuesday just because it's Tuesday and it's not that dirty. For those of you who clean your toilets everyday, you have your own issues to work out and this blog is not for you. But I say that with love. Back to those of us who hate to clean and only do it when we must, do you know what I mean?
I did. It's my bed. Because I do not understand the logic of making a bed every single day that people are just going to muss up at night by, you know, sleeping in it, I have no other way to accept that chore than as an arbitrary sign that if it's done, I will have a good Mommy day. Days where I don't straighten the comforter to hide the mangled sheet have a tendency to stink (You do remember it's ME making the bed, not Martha Stewart, right?)
Rule #2 System must let me adapt my daily plans in regards to housework as it's needed but also provide a small amount of "daily" structure to keep me on top of the activities that affect the family's quality of life when they are neglected.
My boss never recognizes me for the good job I do, nor do I ever get evaluated to easily see areas I can improve.
Anyone who worked in cubicle-land (and I did, thankfully for a small time as I'm personally not a great follower or routine type person), know all about assessment. You do self-assessments that no one takes seriously, sit down and get "counseled" by your direct and sometimes higher level supervisors, etc. etc. I majored in Leadership in college, so I've studied modern management practices ad nauseum.
When you stay home, who's your boss? Spouse? To some degrees, my husband is my "boss" but mostly, he's my "business partner" in the business of running a successful family. We don't trump each other, but compromise and pick our battles really well. But I do like him as the man in the relationship, so I can't say we're 100% unequivocally equal. So again, who's the boss? My children? No, they're more like stakeholders in the company of running a successful family. They have a vested interest in my performance as Mommy, but not really the authority to guide and direct my activities. They're more like clients, or customers, and usually the customer is always right in what the customer wants, but my job is to know what the customer needs.
No, the boss is me. And it's really hard to be a good boss when all of your data is subjective and internally processed. The old can't see the forest because of the trees dilemma. I easily become bogged down mentally and physically with today. Not how life has been over the week, not over the month, etc. My company of Mom Enterprises had a severe lack of productivity forecasts, past customer approval ratings, or even current production levels. I was flying by the seat of my pants, doing things as I felt like it.
Rule #3 System must have a way to track progress and follow through in my responsibilities, but not be so onerous of a task to track what I do and when that the process becomes a chore itself I don't want to do.
So what in the heck did that leave me with?
I use pretty, colored 3 x 5" index cards as my daily tracker. I know I said I'm all about technology, and I AM, but if I lug my netbook all over the house to mark stuff off I'll eventually drop it in a bucket of mop water or worse, forget where I put it!
First, I started with a clean house. Everyone in the West, Inc company (our family) scrubbed and overhauled the house last weekend. Think of this like starting a new job on Day One. Yeah, you come in with stuff already going on, but eventually, you start with a clean desk and no tasks that need to be done immediately.
Next, I made a list of all of the things we did that one day to make the house spotless and that became the back bone of my "weekly get done" list. It wasn't so bad. Only, if I only do the dishes once a week, we run into that paper plate status again, so next, I highlighted the tasks that needed higher frequency and noted what I thought was a good number of times to maintain house's spotlessness. This became the backbone of my daily get done list.
Now, remember how I needed spontaneity in my schedule? This is the front of the notecard. I call them goals but call them what you want, objectives, projects, whatever. These are a mixture of tasks I need to get done from the "weekly" list AND tasks for writing, AND tasks that just come up, like errands and other stuff.
The notecard has the date and dinner at the top of the lined section. I also make a small note of when I need to start making dinner so we eat around 6 PM, as again, spontaneous, that's a different time everyday. On the lined side, I list any of the weekly tasks I plan to do, my writing stuff, and the additional tasks that fall under my domain. Will other stuff come up? Yes. But that's not what this is about. This is NOT about filling your day to the brim with things to do. I repeat, DO NOT overcommit! This is about a backbone to your day of things you WILL get done at a bare minimum (or mildly impress your boss). The unlined side I flip and put a vertical list of the daily activities I need to do. Yes, I put on things there like shower, get dressed, make bed. Or Sweep K, LR, DR, H AM and PM (that's sweep twice a day the kitchen, living room, dining room, and hall in the morning and in the evening, as we have hard wood floors).
POINTS!
Now writing down a daily plan of tasks is great. But what about prioritizing?
Another parameter I added was planning my day the night before, and that's it. Again, will stuff change and happen? Of course. But that happens at a 9-5 job too (my working hours, by the by, are from 7 AM until 9 PM, with a two hour break in the middle of the day for me called NAP TIME, that's a 12-hour day for anyone thinking I sit on my duff and oh yeah, I'm ALWAYS on call ;) ). At a 9-5 job, when things happen, it's not in a vacuum. When you miss a deadline, even if there's a really good reason like a meteor hit your distributor and your supply chain is dead, there are still consequences and that's not always "You're fired!" sometimes you just lose a little immeasurable value in the eye of your boss. On some unreasonable level, you should have been prepared for the possibility of a meteor hitting a critical supplier of widgets needed for your project.
The night before my day, I assign points to each task. Daily tasks can add up to 50 points total. Goals (the stuff that changes everyday) can add up to 100 or more. How effective can it be if I'm making up the points, right?
By putting in checks and balances.
Basically the crap I want to do the least get the highest points value. For example, "Trash Roundup" which is get all of the trash from the various places of the house and put it in the big trashcan before wheeling it out to the curb was +5 points today. Weeks when there's inches of snow on the ground on trash collection day, I will rank that task as +10 or +15 because I won't want to spend the time to bundle up and slip and slide down the driveway. Writing is always +10 per chapter/article/blog post I need to write (I write guest blog posts for other sites all the time to help market my book). Usually this is 10-30 points. Laundry is always +10 points per load.
Points have value. I made a little chart of prizes I get any day I earn 85% of the points scheduled for the day (hasn't happened yet in three days of doing this system, but that's okay, it makes this a challenge and I'm still learning the ropes of it). Also, there are prizes for point accumulation, namely small things I have given up since becoming Mom to a newborn two years ago (like accessories) or earned time off (1,000 points means I can phone in dinner, no #Mommyguilt allowed).
So what prevents me from going "Laundry, oh 40 points?" Ahhh, points unearned not only count against me, but I'm penalized! If I put a task on the notecard, and it doesn't get done, those points turn negative AND I get a -3 penalty on a daily chore and a -2 on a daily goal. This has made a huge difference in how I prioritize my day, it's turned into "which will the boss/customers/and business partner be most upset about if I don't get done?" The old non-system was who cares, I stay home and I can't get fired (not 100% true, but I know my husband wouldn't divorce me while there's kids in the house because I didn't maintain it. Now after they're out of the house? I don't know... lol ;) ).
February 28th for example.
Dinner was Pork chops and home made pasta, 2 PM (when I started the pasta dough).
Daily Goals:
2 loads of laundry +20... I earned -22
3 chapters +30.... I earned -22 (I wrote one)
Vacuum office +10.... I earned -12
Trash round up +5.... I earned +5
Detail clean kitchen +20... I earned +20
3 dance songs (exercise) +15.... I earned +15
30 min crocheting blanket making for friend +5... I earned -7
Daily tasks (I earned all of these):
Shower, dress, make bed, pick up bedroom 5 min +4
Dishes M, L, D +6
Coffee station clean up +2
Office Tidy A and E +6
Clutter check 5 min 2x +4
Sweep K, DR, LR, H 1 x +4
Catelynn bath and PJs +10
Catelynn evening toy pick up +4
Take 2 breaks of 10 minutes each +10
I earned only 27 points for the day out of a possible 155. What happened? We focused on potty training and playing outside, and I also relaxed a little today more than I planned to the night before. See, I am held responsible for appropriately planning my day. The day before that I rocked! I earned 118 points out of a possible 170 ( I only missed on writing 2 chapters, so I lost 22 points). Yes, in this system, I have to get into the mindset that the tasks I DO NOT DO count against me double, as they are points I do not earn, AND they are deducted from my points that I do earn. That's only right because when I don't do something, I am either letting down part of the family, just a little, or myself. And I am totally free to tweak those goals etc to focus on what I want to. Today was aerobic activity for example, yesterday was 10 minutes of yoga was worth +10 points.
In three days, I am at 204 points out of a possible 460. That's one piece of data. Another is that on all three days, I have maxed my daily goals. I might add a small incentive to completing that everyday. I already see that I need to get better about planning what I can get done in writing now that my toddler is active and I am prioritizing the house and family first.
So there you have it. You are welcome to borrow, steal, or modify the plan as you see fit. I hope it helps, and I hope anyone else out there with a creative streak in them finds peace in making a daily outline of your day, but letting the crazy and spontaneous find a place.
ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING.....
- Start with a super clean house. Yes, many systems do the gradual thing, but most of us living in helter-sketler KNOW a good weekend is all it takes to click the "reset" button
- Write down every task you did to "reset" the house, that's the backbone of your weekly chore list.
- Decide which tasks need MORE than weekly frequency to keep the house in tip-top shape. Print both lists.
- Plan you day the night before, or first thing in the morning, on your "notecard." It could be a planner you already have, notebook paper, etc.
- Keep your "daily must do tasks" separated from the spontaneous today's priorities or goals, which should be a mix of the weekly tasks to keep the house maintained and other activities you want or need to get done. There is no rule about what can't be a task, so include break times.
- Assign a point system that makes sense for you with prizes. I highly recommend a penalty system for tasks that are not done that make you stay honest with yourself. It also points out places very quickly where you are overbooking yourself, underbooking yourself, etc.
- Enjoy your fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants house maintenance system that secretly has a plan behind it all. But ssssshhhh, we won't tell anyone, we're just CRE8TIVE HOUSEWIVES.
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